Monday, November 21, 2011


Here I am - insomnia girl once again. I can only assume it's the unconscious dread of "home for the holidays." I won't be home too long, but still...

Here's the other issue. I seem to be wildly, crazily in love. It's too soon, I know, but it's just ... there. He's so smart and so knowledgeable and so passionate and so caring. I keep wondering what he sees in me. He made me al list - which was truly the sweetest thing ever, but I still can't believe that this amazing man loves me. I guess I'll have to get over my disbelief because he tells me time and again that he loves me, but - wowzers!

And then there's the nesting issue. I lovelovelove spending time at his place. He's sweet and thoughtful and makes room for my shower do-dads and cooks me eggs in the morning. But I've just moved into my new home. And I really do love it here, despite my concerns. And Eliza seems to have taken territory. Still, my nights away have affected both my increase of comfort in my new home and my sense of abandonment of my FuzzBucket (and consequently the burden upon my housemate to look after her care).

I have just brought this up to amazing suitor (I'd refer to him as wine-guy, except that seems to belittle all his other amazing qualities. Still, everyone needs a pseudonym...) And I'm sure he'll be helpful and comfortable with working things out. But I'm still awfully proud to have realized the issue, thought it through and proposed a solution. Amazing therapist would be so proud.

And now, it's 4 hours until I have to get up for a meeting at my theoretical new job. I have a crazy feeling it's going to be a li=ong day.

Sunday, November 13, 2011

How Can I Be This Happy?

The last few weeks have been sooooo crazy. Moving, storage, dealing with painful personalities and situations. But I seem to have wound out OK.

In the meantime, I have apparently fallen in love.

I have a bad history of acting a bit too soon. Still, I am sooooo happy. Suitor is brilliant and funny and thoughtful and caring. And he seems to like me equally. We keep trying to impress each other, which is weird, but also indicative of how we seem to mutually appreciate each other.

To be honest, I'm falling massively in love with him. Too much so for my own best interest. And too fast for my own good interest. But he makes me so happy and challenges me mentally and philosophically and makes me laugh and, well makes me horny..... So ...

Things have been going so well for me lately that I can't believe my renewed meditation doesn't have a part. But, whether it does or or doesn't, I am so happy. And I'll figure the rest out later.

Tuesday, November 08, 2011


Well, my life energy sure doesn't take long to shift.

In the few days it's been since Samhain, the Celtic New Year, so much has happened.

I moved into a new home. It's not in my beloved city of Gloucester, but it's in a safe space, with amazing energy and a housemate I adore.

I was offered a new job. OK, they're wishy-washy and wibbly-wobbly (or the NGO equivalent of Mitt Romney (SNAP1)) but they still seem to want me at some point.

I started dating a WONDERFUL man. He's sweet and kind and smart and thoughtful. And he truly cares about me. He keeps asking: "Why me?" and I'm like - duh! you're smart, you're funny, you know lots about things I don't know and want to learn about the things I know that you don't. Um, what was the question? So, yes, I'm feeling very school-girl-in-love, Which, at 36 isn't such a bad way to feel

So, here I am. Good things afoot and ahead. And I am happier than I've been in a long time. I want to hold on to this feeling. I will try to remember and offer thanks for this peace as often as I can. Because how many New Years like this come along?