Friday, October 17, 2008

Step Away from the Wall

For some reasons, Wednesdays have been tough on me. I don't know if its because that's when my body stops being able to "muscle through" the exhaustion after a Sunday night insomnia attack or because 72 hours of being micromanaged is my tipping point, or what. But on most recent Wednesdays I have become slightly emotionally unwrapped.

This week was REALLY bad.

A $500 car bill didn't help. Note to small rodents everywhere: I know it's cold. But please do not attempt to warm yourself up by crawling into my car's engine. Bad things happen. Bad smells ensue. Seriously.

On top of the car debaucle, I started off the day managing a temper tantrum from my boss while on the Commuter Rail. She was shouting so loud the other passengers could her. Not at me, just to me. But that puts me in a very awkward situation. Why do I always get the bosses who don't know how to control their emotions? "Let's use our big people feelings words, now, okay?"

Of course, I should talk. By the time Good Buddy picked me up (hours and hours late, may I add) I was an emotional wreck. If I were him, I would NOT want to spend any more time with me.

So, yesterday, as it was Work From Home day, I decided to spend some time pulling myself together. I went for walks. I sat and watched the surf roll in in the mist. I went to yoga. And - I know you'll be shocked! - I got another lesson I needed to hear.

The instructor told us we were going to do inversions earlier in the class, rather than later, so that we wouldn't be tired. "I want some of you to move away from the wall and try it in the center today." In yoga, when you're working up to holding a handstand or headstand, you start against the wall. It's less scary, MUCH easier to balance and you can use the wall for support instead of arm/shoulder/back strength. But, as the instructor pointed out, if you've been leaning on the wall for 6 months, you're probably not progressing at all.

Somehow, I feel like I need to have this discussion with the new boss. In this role, I feel like I've gotten a good handle on who we are, what we do and what we need to do to be successful. But BossLady is constantly asking for updates, reminders, status notes, ad infinitum. I just want to shout at her - "I've got it under control." She's so completely unable to let go that, finally, I've just let her take over. I let her do it because it's easier than fighting for my own independance.

But, if I keep leaning against the wall, I'm probably not making any progress.

So, somehow, subtly and tactfully, I am going to have to figure out how I can successfully move away from the wall. And I have to find a way to make her comfortable with that too.

It will be interesting.

But, hopefully (please please please) it will result in a happier, more confident, more together, much LESS unravelled Kalesy. Wednesday and everyday.