Friday, November 07, 2008

It's Been a Relatively Good Week, So Why...

am I so mad at myself?

Well, I'm pretty sure it has something to do with the fact that it's 11:30 on a Friday night and I just finished emailing responses to the twenty-nine (yes, folks, 29!) emails my boss sent me.

Why did I respond, you ask?

Well, despite much discussion in therapy, I find I sleep much better if I respond. Because, although it should be self-evident by now, I pretty much have all the answers to the emails right at my fingertips. Or, if you will, right at the top of my brain. It's just that CrazyBoss doesn't trust me. So she gets into her tizzies and emailsemailsemails to make sure I've taken care of/thought of everything. WHICH I HAVE.

I did finally send her an email tonight which may or may not prove to be a confrontational thing. She emailed me and asked for my weekly update, which I'd sent her. I replied thusly:

"I thought I sent it to you this afternoon. I can resend when I get home tonight. I'll reply to your other mails on Mon. It's 8:30 here and Friday everywhere (smile!)"

Not sure how that will be received but I"m hoping in the spirit it was intended.

You see - I had a LONG week. Three days in Boston, hosting our Global Team meeting. Then whoosh! off on a plane to Portland for a very long, very boring tradeshow. Sure, I got a little downtime in a great city. I actually made some friends and had some good times. But I was still far far away from home and kitties. And then, I get back and, although I worked from home, had no actual time off to completely decompress. I feel like I'm owed some freakin' R&R!

So, yeah, that email might have been a bit injudicious. But there has to be some balance, right? And I just drafted 14 emails for sending as soon as I log in the next time, so that has to count for something....

Thus, despite having a moderately decent week and being fairly well rested, well yogafied and well worked out, I'm still mad at myself. Because instead of sitting on my couch, watching a movie and being covered in kitties, I'm obsessing about work and CrazyBoss.

Guess therapy still has some work to do...