Monday, September 26, 2011

You'll End Up Crying

SHOCK - it's the name of an A-Ha song. But it's super appropriate today.

I've had some REALLY awesome things happen. I have a jobby-job interview tomorrow. I talked with an amazing human being I'd fallen out of touch with. Still...

I went to sleep crying. I'm moving into a good friends' house and opinion Likely cuz she's moving overseas. But I worried that it was also a fear of me living in her space. I'm afraid too, but I also know that her soul will be surrounding me and that is much to keep me safe.

I also felt memories of Glostah keeping me sad. It's a month away, but already I'm grieving. I know it's likely temporarily and that this plan makes sense in so many ways. But still....

Add that to a very tense conversation with Good Buddy (shock - it was me telling him his "rudder" was here...) and a possible crush on a coworker and....

Fuck. It's been a long week. No wonder I'm crying

Ugh and Not

I had dinner the other night with friends. We did a three-part toast: To sparkly birthdays, to happy trails and to new roomies.

It's definitely a time of transition. I'm moving away from a place I love. A place I've loved to call home. Glostah is a unique space unto itself and I'm very - very - sad to be leaving it. Still, I hate to walk into a cafe or store or restaurant without feeling anxious. I'll leave it at that.

The timing of everything worked out too well for me to deny The Universe was steering me in that direction. Amazing therapist says "this is probably right for now. And who knows what the next step will be." She's right, but I'm still wicked sad. I cry a lot these days.

I realize I've scared a lot of friends by making this blog non-public. So I'm going to make it public again. I'm sure there are some people monitoring it, but I can't live my life so anxious and tense. I've always believed in an open and free world and I've lived "out loud" for long enough to not let situations stop me (hello dooced).

To sum up, I'm conflicted but hopeful. Anxious but positive. Celebratory and mourning.

And now, I'm going to feed Fuzzy Bucket, make tea and drink it watching the ocean and then, yeah, probably go back to sleep. I'm wicked tired from yesterday, but more on that fun and games later. (Hint: Winery life is gooooooood.)