It Sounded Better in My Head

I was sitting on the beach the other day, enjoying a good book in the warm sunshine. All was well until the seagulls discovered that the gentleman behind me had left a plastic bag filled with snacks peaking out of his duffle bag. Cacophony ensued, the gulls fighting one another - and the Glad Plasticware corporation - to get at the tasty cashews and pecans. I decided to intervene.

Of course, the guilty Catholic conscience in me realized that I couldn't just go up and fiddle with another person's stuff. So, I looked over to a group of ladies sitting nearby and called out.

"You're my witnesses. I'm just tucking his nuts back into his sack."

Like I said, sounded better in my head.