Tuesday, July 21, 2009

How to make the front desk staff laugh uncomfortably

when checking into a hotel.

When they ask you, "How are you today, Ms. Smith?" just look at them for a really long minute. And then, very slowly, say this in reply.

"I'd be better if the book I'd picked up as 'light and fluffy airplane reading' didn't start off with 50 pages about dying of ovarian cancer. Thanks for asking though. Do you have a tissue I can use?"

It's a decent read, btw. Just not exactly light. Or fluffy. More like overwrought and melodramitic. But unfortunately, pushing all my right buttons. I do love this review of it though:

These reviews fill my shriveled, black heart with redemption and affirmation..., By Laurel F. Armar (Louisville, KY United States) - See all my reviews I am so glad to see that I am not the only one who thinks Radish is a tad melodramatic. Is she trying to write the Next Great Sentence? Katherine hasn't even finished her phone call to Laura and I want to chuck this book. And dude, just let the bra go. I am not against chick-lit. I am against really bad, poorly written, poorly edited, contrived, overwrought chick-lit. I am against this book.

Activate the technology blocker

I think that I am emitting some strange electromagnetic signal. Because last week, while I was in Baltimore 1) my hard drive ate itself 2) my Blackberry died 3) the wireless card (external, thank you very much) on my very ancient, very heavy personal laptop shit the bed.

It was a very technologically challenged week.

It was also a very exhausting week.

In addition to the 10 hour days I was pulling in the video studio working on film edits, I had the evenings full of requisite "normal" work - including the thousands of CBL mails.

I kid you not - I got this while I was on the plane:

"Subject: Need to know how to use your fax machine. Please call me ASAP."

Now, instead of reading the instruction book that is right next to the machine or asking the receptionist at the front desk how to use the main fax or asking any one of the 200 other employees in the building how to use any of the other of dozens of fax machines ... she waited for me to call her back. When I finally did - around 4:45 - I got an earful about how the form was due by five and she was really cutting it close now. Um, excuse, I thought cellphones were still against airplane policy....?

Anyway, the massive hours of work combined with the 30 minute hike each way with the aforementioned ancient laptop on my back and I was exhausted. That coupled with my EMP superpowers disabling all technology, meant no posting.

Please accept my humble apologies.

If you'd like to submit a complaint, I can show you how to use a fax machine.