Anniversaries

Tomorrow is a big day for me.

Tomorrow marks a very significant day in my life.

A year ago tomorrow, I had a nervous breakdown.

I couldn't say those words at the time. Corporate America doesn't like them. They suggest weak and sick and insane.

What they suggested to me was that I was in a toxic environment (for me at least) and needed to get the hell out.

It took me almost a full year to get out - and only then by force.

But here I am, a year later and exponentially happier. I have friends. I have a dream. I have a vibrant, loving and quirky community that supports and accepts and admires me. I have time to collect shells amidst sleet and contemplate trees from the edge of a hillside.

There are so many things I couldn't have done this without. But the Universe gave me those gifts. And I am so very grateful.

It's been my mantra for so long it's almost become trite. But it's moments like this that it takes shape and becomes an entity in its own right. Step into the flow of Grace and all will be Good.

Om Shanti.

And we wonder why they hate us...

Let me start this off by saying: I fully realize that, in posting this, I am admitting to being a total hypocrite. But, hey, most of the best writers are, right? ;-)

Still, I am obsessed with how much I hate the new "YouTube Sensation" Friday. First off, there's the origin. Some rich man spilled a lot of money to give his daughter the means to create a video for her original "song." As for content, it outlines the important crisis' of choosing the front seat or back seat, what to wear and suffering through school in order to make it to Friday so you can Party.

And this is getting press at a time when Japan is admitting the earthquake/tsunami will be the most expensive recovery effort ever, new information is surfacing on the BP oil spill, a no-fly zone is being inforced over Libya and collective bargaining rights are being whittled away...

Here's where the hypocrisy creeps in...

Yesterday, I was in the shower at the gym where I am steadfastly combatting bra overhang. Yes, I am committed to the battle against gravity and fat grams. It's MY hypocritical war...

In the shower stalls next to me were two girls, loudly discussing whether they should bring Jaegar or Capt Morgan to the party tonight. And how wasted they were at the New Years party, which is why they ...
probablyShouldn'tBringTheCapt.BecauseSheHadNeverGottenSoDrunkBecauseSheWasPartyingSoHardButThenSheGotGerSecondWind AndWentToJake'sAndThenTheyWereDoingShotsAndSheLostCountAndHerMomGotSoMadBecausShe MissedCurfewButThereWasNoWaySheCouldGoHomeBecauseSheWasSoDrunkAndThrewUpSoMuchAndTotallyRuinedHerDressThatSheGotAtAbercrombieAndHerMomWouldHaveBeenPissedAnywayBecauseThatDressTotallyCost100Bucks ...

Look, I know we all have our unique problems that occupy our minds. I want to look good at the beach, I'm still angry at my shitty ex-boss, I hate cleaning out kitty litter. And I know we can't live our lives entirely and completely concerned with the pain and destruction happening outside of our control.

But shouldn't we try to balance the two? Shouldn't we work to alleviate both our own suffering and the suffering of the world? Or at least work to alleviate ours in awareness of the other?

I don't have the answer to that. I don't come close to thinking I'm anywhere near approaching Ghandi or Mother Theresa. But I hope that some of their wisdom and understanding can penetrate my Universe...