Saturday, April 09, 2011

Waaaaaay TMI - NSFW

For those who follow my blog (and, honestly, there's probably not many of you), if you woudl prefer not to know, ahem, personal matters then leave right now. But I feel this blog is a chance for me to share the ups and downs of an ex-Corporate slave, bi-polar dork who is on the cusp of finding her own happiness. And that comes in all sorts of flavors. I have been dating Handsome Man for almost a year. And while I love him and think he's one of the most caring indivuals I've ever met, he's not, as one could say, a mighty lover. He's older. He's not in the greatest shape of his life. And I have the distinct impression that hes 1) been alone so long and 2) watched so much pRon that real life doesn't really "do it." So, okay. But you have to realize this comes on the heels of Good Buddy. 'Nuff said. Here's where it gets interesting. I haven't been able to fill my prescription for my anti-depressant (see COBRA sux). This isn't the major "crazy pill" that keeps me from wantiing to kill myself. But it is the pill that was, as they say, stifling my libido. So, until Wed, I'm feeling ... frisky. And H.M. isn't up for the task. So the time has come for me to wonder: 1) is it better to feel slightly "off" but want to F*** Handsome Man (and/or fantasize about GoodBuddy and various and sundry others) or 2) is it better to be totally "normal" and face the reality that in the rare occoasions H.M. feels amorous it isn't going to be ... truly satisfying. I guess the question boils down to: physical or mental happiness? Can I find enough reasons to get up in the morning to merit the physical reaction? Or will I regress into the state where even putting laundry away felt too overwhelming a task? The choice, on paper, seems clear. But in reality, not so much. After all, you can wear clothes straight out of the laundry basket. They may be wrinkel but they're clean...

Passive Aggressive Conundrum

My roommate has outed himself as completely passive aggressive. Here's the issue: One of my kitties is prone to "marking" anything of large proportion that doesn't smell like Mommy (that's me). What can I say - she's a total Momma's Girl. I recall an incident years ago when she did so to one of my best friends who also has cats. There's nothing I can do about it. She's a cat and doesn't speak English. Unfortunately, she's decided that my roommate doesn't smell like Mom. So she's started marking his property. We worked out practicalities of keeping her out of his room and that's worked so far. But he also keeps his comforter in an "open" room. Guess what? The problem is, I can't talk to him directly about the issue. Oh, I've tried. But his reaction is to confront me passive aggressively. I get nasty text messages, complete with pictures. He posts shit on my Facebook wall. I know it's an issue. It must suck to feel that all of your belongings have to be quarantined from the "common areas." But until we figure out how to train kitty, that's just the reality. Not to mention, keeping a comforter on top of an end table probably isn't the best location in itself... I want to talk about these things openly and in an adult fashion. It's not comfortable but it's necessary. But when I try, he acts like I'm attacking him. If it's such a problem for him, well, then, move out. If you can deal with it and accept a solution that may not be ideal but works for now, well, let's talk. I just can't stand this passive aggressive B.S. I've given him pass after pass. I paid utilities on my own for a couple of months. I gave him a month pass on rent (which he's never made up.) I think I've earned some honesty and frank discussion. I don't know what to do. I want to post something looking for a new roommate, but I also know he's cruising CraigsList. It's a fucking Conundrum and what can I do to get out of it? I shouldn't have to work this hard at a relationship that isn't even a relationship... UGH.