Saturday, July 26, 2008

Do You Enjoy Yourself in a Crowd?

Hi there. Hypocrite girl here.

Let me explain. I spend a lot of time on my yoga practice. Not just the postures, but the chanting, the meditating and now I'm even reading a book on yoga philosophy and its application to modern day life. (It's Yoga and the Quest for the True Self and I highly recommend it.)

And all of this practice conditions me to want to focus on the Now, the Real, the phenomenal world (in both its connotations) that surrounds me at this moment.

All of this seems much easier said than done. Because, right now, I'm definitely focused on the recent past and the upcoming future and can't seem to shake it out of my mind.

I have come to terms with how the interviews went. Even the tough cookie. I know my stuff and I feel confident that I proved that. Now, my attention has turned to the psychometric evaluation I had to take.

You know these things. Twenty-two pages of true or false questions about ridiculous things like whether you feel comfortable in crowds or if you feel comfortable speaking your mind even when authority is present. These tests drive me crazy because I don't see those things in black and white.

Define crowds. Do you mean being at the Celtics Rolling Rally? Or a large yoga workshop in the middle of a kirtan?

What do you mean speak your mind? Do you mean stand up for your opinion? Or tell your boss s/he knows where to stick it?

And they tell you with these things "there is no right answer." But that is just not true. I've heard dozens of stories of people who got passed up for a job because of their results. So, this gives me one more thing to obsess over.

I took the test on Tuesday. Haven't gotten my results back yet. I don't know if the Company has gotten theirs. (I can only imagine they'll come out at the same time). So, it's Saturday and I have two full days of not knowing anything ahead of me.

The folks I spoke to on the interviews all said I shouldn't expect a decision until next week. So I really have no more information available to me over which to be concerned. The reality is, corporations move slowly. Even when they're in a hurry. And they can't officially make any kind of decision until these damnable results arrive.

(Yes, I realize I sound exactly like I'm engaging in self-soothing rationalization. Because I AM.)

So, I have no news. And I can only pray that no news is good news.

But the practical and tangible upshot of no news is that, Monday morning, I don my black pants and rubber soaled shoes and begin my career of selling fish to tourists in T-shirts. Be careful what you wish for...