Conflagration of Expectations

I've been pretty bad about posting, but I blame that on the 12 hour work days I've been pulling. Less then one month until product launch and we're still trying to get our ducks in a row. A bit crazy, methinks...

There's a lot of venting and grief that can and probably should happen around the job, CBL and the workload. But I won't go into that right now. Primarily because I worked solid through until 8 pm tonight. Instead, I will dwell on the debaucle that is the Love Live. Or lack thereof...

So, I've mentioned that there might be a New Guy. Let's call him NewYorkBoy. Safe Enough. He's great. He's smart. He's funny. He's informed. He's passionate. He's also got about 20 different Red Alarms flashing above his head....

Here's the deal: We meet. We hang out and things go farther than should have, as I was in a "compromised" situation. We have dinner. I take him out for his birthday. deny him "a present" and he wigs out. Cut to a week later where he's moaning about being in a "bad mood" for a full week and how he doesn't know what's going on his future....

I was feeling really hopeful about this but, frankly, I just don't think I have the energy to deal with this level of insecurty or low self-esteem. I know that sounds terrible, but it's a reality. I'm having enough fun getting my own shit together. I mean, I'm finally able to laugh at CBL and the shit she throws at me. (SERIOUSLY - if I was a VP, I would be ashamed at the number of emails she sends me asking "can you fill em in on this...?") But that doesn't mean I'm ready to take on yet another head case. So, I'll have to have a think about this deal. Do I want to pursue this friendship and/or relationhip? Or do I want to nip this in the bud and lose the possibility of a rewarding friendship? I just don't know....

Have to sleep on it.

Not for nothing

But is it at all ironic that Good Buddy and the new guy have the same birthday? I'm just saying. I don't care who you are, that's funny shit.

Mercury is retrograde

For those who do not believe that astrology actually affect our daily lives, I offer this evidence:

I woke up late.

Conference call went 2 1/2 hours instead of 1/2 hour

I missed my train

I lost the ticket for the parking garage. Moments after I pulled into a parking spot.

My Kombucha tea fizzed all over the shirt I was wearing. First time I wore it.

Waiting for GoodBuddy to call and (maybe?) suggest he'd be free for the weekend, I heard from the new guy. Friday is his birthday. Would I spend it with him? (WAHOO!!!)

I missed yoga - too much to do -- and instead drove home at 7:45 at night.

Yea It's been a complicated kind of emotional day. But - really - if you ever doubt the effect of Mercury Retrograde on humanity - doubt no more!!!!!!

Gaffney South Carolina

I submit this picture for your review. All I can say is: Wow. Seriously dudes?

When Good Things Happen to Good People

SO...

Sorry, folks. I said I'd post a lot and, well, I just didn't. Lot's of things have contributed to this - the cracked rib, travel, 60 hour work weeks, etc etc. But still, no excuse.

I have lots to report. In fact, I just hung up the phone with a good friend where I made him LOL not once, not twice, but many many times. Most regarding the pretty awesome roadtrip I took with GoodBuddy last weekend. I'm hoping to recreate some of those stories here. But, as they all involve GoodBuddy (and often some not-so-legal activities...) I'll try to space them out.

But above and beyond all that - I need to share the following information: I might have a new boyfriend.

Several weeks ago, I met someone at a local coffee shop. We had good chats and good laughs and exchanged phone numbers. A week later, I hadn't gotten a phonecal. Damn. But then, Saturday morning during a random coffee shop encounter, in again he walks.

He's nice. He's smart. He's funny. I laugh. I think. I really enjoy his company. He's thoughtful and considerate and gentlemanly.

But...

I guess the jury is still out on whether the tummy flip is there. Whether the heart flutters are fluttering or the brain is dreaming. Maybe it's because of all the junk going on with GoodBuddy. Maybe it's because of all the junk going on with ME. Maybe I reallyreally like him and am just scared to put myself out there again.

My life is very full right now. Which is rocking, since before I felt like it was pretty empty and alone. But to go from zero to sixty in three point five, well, it's not always easy.

There will be many, many more stories in the days to come. Whether or not CBL cares, I'll do my best to spend my lunch hour posting - not working excess hours....

Decisions Decisions Decisions

This morning I got up when the alarm went off. I was still ridiculously tired and practically fell asleep on the way to the gym. But to the gym I made it -- and worked out I did. The Group Power instructor informed me in no way was I welcome in her class -- probably a wise decision -- but I did 45 minutes on the elliptical, a few reps of moderate weights and some stretching.

On the train ride into Boston I fell asleep.

Does this tell me something? Probably. Is it a lesson I will learn? Probably not.

GoodBuddy told me today, "This is not a case where more pain = more gain". He's right I should know that; should embody that. I'm having a hard time.I do know that twists hurt, that lunging = not so good but that standing forward bend (uttanasan) felt REALLY good, as long as I took it slow.

I also know that I am on the brink of ordering tickets (one way) to Clemson for Family Week to hang out w/ GoodBuddy and son. There are so many emotional issues with this that I cannot begin to list them all. It's probably wise that I don't go. But I probably will. What does that tell you?

Details, I guess, at 11.

Limping Along

I should subtitle this post "Another reason I'm not a good yogini".

Still healing from the rib. This will take awhile, I know. But it's driving me crazy. It's autumn in New England - I want to be out and about, enjoying the weather and nature. I want to be riding my new bike and taking huge gulps of crisp, cool air. Instead, I'm sitting around like a slug.

It's making me fairly angry and bitter. As you can see :-)

What's worse is that I'm over analyzing every bite of food I put into my mouth. Now that I am not exercising regularly, can I afford to have a bite of brownie, an extra slice of toast?

Logic and old wisdom tells me that my body needs lots and lots of energy to heal itself. It needs protein and calories and, yes, even some healthy fats. Vanity and low self esteem tells me that my butt is spreading and my thighs becoming thunderous.

It irks me that I am not above this petty argument in my head. That, as someone who follows @AnusaraFriend on Twitter and in life, that I can't rejoice in the things my body can do and respect the lessons my injuries can teach me. But, I guess my soul is not yet that enlightened. And so The Work continues...

Special Levels of Cluelessness

It's true that CBL has been getting less crazy. Although, that might be only because I worked from home all last week with the fractured rib. Still, she does seem to be on a more even keel.

But never fear. CBL remains an apt and appropriate name. C for crazy. C for clueless. You be the judge.

Today, she came by my cube round about 4:30. I was typing away. She informed me she'd be "dashing out early" to get a "ManiPedi." Great, I said. Have fun.

"Hey," she asked me. "Is somthing wrong? You seem kind of quiet today."

"Yeah, well, I'm in pain."

"Why? What happened?"

"Um, I broke my rib. (???)"

"Oh, that still hurts?"

Like I said, a whol special level of cluelessness.