Would you describe me as "green"?

I am completely wiped out. But, alas, I have already poured a cup of chamomile tea, so while I'm waiting for it to cool enough to drink ... I will subject you to more ranting.

Had my first meeting of my Taproot Foundation project group tonight. And it went really well. We've got our work cut out for us, but I feel really good about the nonprofit we're working with. What I don't feel great about was dinner. We went to Bertucci's. Normally, I really like Bertuccis. But this week I am especially poor. With that in mind, I ordered a salad. Nothing more. No soda, wine, or beer. No grilled steak. Water, (free) bread, salad. So when the bill came, I expected those who ordered wine, beer, or steak to pay their fair share while I paid mine. Alas.

Now, I know I could have spoken up. Should have. But I've just met these people and I will be working with them for several months. Which, of course, is precisely why I should have spoken up. Best to nip habits in the bud before they become habits. But I really wanted these people to like me. So, mum I stayed.

What's worse is this. This a.m., I learned one of my co-workers won $2000 in Keno last night. Keno. $2,000. And instead of being happy for her, I felt angry, jealous. I am really - REALLY - not proud of my immediate reaction. I should have been happy. I should have opened my heart to her good fortune. But I didn't.

Is it jealousy issues or money issues, or both? If I can figure that one out -- and what to do about it -- I'd be a much happier camper.