They're just so ... French...

I have never really had a problem with the French. I took French in high school, although I was never very talented at foreign languages (ironic that). I love Eddie Izzard who is a big fan of "doing it in French." I love baguettes and wine and perfume and Les Miz.

Still ...

Today, it was raining and cold in the Big Apple. After 10 full hours of CBL, I had a long walk down 7th Ave. with heels on, holding an umbrella and dodging tourists. I can't tell you how many puddles soaked me up to the ankles.

I wanted to take refuge. I wanted to grab a hot pretzel, a cold Diet Coke and put my woolies on. I wanted to curl up on an uber soft mattress and rent a couple of chick flicks.

Instead, I walked into the hotel amidst what can only be described as a Flock of Frenchies. A whole crowd of them, completely taking over the lobby. I wove my way through them to the elevator, desperate to get to my room on the 25th floor. Along the way, I lost half the hot pretzel I'd gotten. Salt littered the way like I was Gretel hinting to my trailing Hansel. (mixing cultural metaphors, I realize.) An up arrow lit up, a door opened, and I jumped into the waiting car.

And then...

In piled the French. Men and women, all for some reason stinking like grilled meat. Five, six, eight, ten people crowded in. I squealed quietly and shoved myself further into the corner. Fur coats and leather jackets pressed in against me. Slowly, the car elevated, stopping floor by floor by floor.

People spilled out, but still no one moved to grant me some breathing room in my corner. I still stayed squashed, staring at the back of a coat with the words "Pont Neuf" emblazoned upon them.

Finally, I heard, "Qu'est-qui vingt cinq?'

"Vingt-cinq c'est moi!" I exclaimed.

You shoul have seen how fast they moved out of my way! Maybe they really didn't know I was there. Maybe they just didn't care.

C'est si bon.

Following the rules?

Another Amtrak trip - yippee for Guest Rewards Double Miles! At this rate, the trip home for Turkey Day will be free.

Of course, leave it to me to set up shop in the Quiet Car without realizing it. And so, I whip out my phone and proceed to conduct business.

Well, it hadn't been a full minute before some woman marched herself right up to me to inform me, there are NO cellphones to be used. No Cellphones! (You can yell and whisper at the same time, I now know.) Well, I apologized effusively and hung up promptly. I've been quiet the entire remainder of the trip. (Mark the date!)

This, of course, does not seem to disturb the woman behind me who has prattled on incessantly the entire journey about work, life, love, college, drinking, sluts, bimbos, dinner plans,...

No one is yelling at her. Is it because she's not on the phone? Does talking on the phone break the quiet car rules more than having inane conversations with your seatmate? Sheesh!

To be fair, the lovely woman sitting across from me (she likes my Eat More Kale t-shirt!) keeps rolling her eyes at our audible companion as well.

On the way home, I'll make sure I sit in the Loud Car. All this silence i driving me crazy...

Mixed Signals

It may be possible - I'm just sayin' - that I have projected a lot of the crazy onto CBL. I mean, granted, I get dozens (not a dozen, but dozens) of emails on a regular basis. But then, she does send me an email saying "I haven't forgotten - let's get you promoted." That's pretty cool, no?

Of course, I know part of it is kissing my a** because there's no way she's holding it together without me. But part of it is also probably honest-to-goodness gratitude and do-right-eousness.

It's very complicated, I guess, my relationhip to CBL. I'm trying to figure it all out. I HAVE decided that come Samhain, our new year, our high holiday, I will begin a new me. And that includes a new attitude toward work, CBL, and other assorted stresses.

So, yes, I will continue to give myself some latitude during this, the launch month. And then, world beware! Muhwahaha!!!

A Bit of Perspective

I haven't posted a lot because, to be perfectly honest, I can't stand to look at a computer screen for one superfluous second. Given that launch of my product is -gasp!- 16 days away, I'm working mornings, nights, weekends, you name it. So, yea, extraneous computer usage? Not so much.

But I've been thinking a lot about my approach to all of this work time. I've been dragging myself down because, due to the work hours, I am not going to yoga, going for runs or bikerides, I'm out of touch with friends, I'm not blogging ... you get the idea. This week, I started getting really grumpy about all the stuff that this increase in work has taken from me.

But then ... full stop.

I'm on the ground floor of something amazing. Something really innovative and exciting. And it really does have the stuff to change lives. (Story to come.) So, yea, I'm working long hours. But I've got a pretty cool friggin reason why.

I stress myself out a lot about what people think and how my life stacks up against the Joneses. And sometimes I worry about how my life appears to others. Single woman. Works 70 hour work weeks. How pathetic and sad. But 1) I should NOT care so much about what other people think. And 2) would someone say anything negative about a Doctor volunteering his entire life for six months to do a Doctors Without Borders or similar? Of course not.

Almost a full year ago, I attended a workshop with John Friend. He spoke at length about sacrifices we make in the pursuit of our own "higher paths." There is no goal, he explained, that can be attained without losing something you may desire. You can't have your cake and eat it too. But the sacrifices, while maybe painful in the short term, are more than worth the pursuit of the goal.

I am supporting a product that is important and exciting and can give hundreds - thousands - millions - of people the opportunity to improve their lives. I should be proud of that. I should relish these days. Cuz, yea, they're exhausting. But, damn!, do I have a story to tell when it's all said and done!

Resolved.

Conflagration of Expectations

I've been pretty bad about posting, but I blame that on the 12 hour work days I've been pulling. Less then one month until product launch and we're still trying to get our ducks in a row. A bit crazy, methinks...

There's a lot of venting and grief that can and probably should happen around the job, CBL and the workload. But I won't go into that right now. Primarily because I worked solid through until 8 pm tonight. Instead, I will dwell on the debaucle that is the Love Live. Or lack thereof...

So, I've mentioned that there might be a New Guy. Let's call him NewYorkBoy. Safe Enough. He's great. He's smart. He's funny. He's informed. He's passionate. He's also got about 20 different Red Alarms flashing above his head....

Here's the deal: We meet. We hang out and things go farther than should have, as I was in a "compromised" situation. We have dinner. I take him out for his birthday. deny him "a present" and he wigs out. Cut to a week later where he's moaning about being in a "bad mood" for a full week and how he doesn't know what's going on his future....

I was feeling really hopeful about this but, frankly, I just don't think I have the energy to deal with this level of insecurty or low self-esteem. I know that sounds terrible, but it's a reality. I'm having enough fun getting my own shit together. I mean, I'm finally able to laugh at CBL and the shit she throws at me. (SERIOUSLY - if I was a VP, I would be ashamed at the number of emails she sends me asking "can you fill em in on this...?") But that doesn't mean I'm ready to take on yet another head case. So, I'll have to have a think about this deal. Do I want to pursue this friendship and/or relationhip? Or do I want to nip this in the bud and lose the possibility of a rewarding friendship? I just don't know....

Have to sleep on it.