Gratitude

Sometimes I forget how important it is to be grateful. For the big things and the little things. I get wrapped up in my own little and big miseries - crazy boss, crowded train, family troubles, broken heart - and I forget how good, in essence, it all is.

From now on, I'll try to remember this story:

This weekend's John Friend Anusara yoga retreat was AMAZING. I was a bit uncertain what to expect as I'd never taken any of John's classes before. As the founder of Anusara yoga and primary teacher to many of my teachers, well, he's kind of attained a mythic aura. What would class with him be like?

The answer: HARD.

Okay, correction: challenging. Tough. Stimulating. Invigorating. Did I mention challenging?

Day one, morning session, we did SEVEN urdvha dhanurasanas in basic and variations. We did arm balances, leg balances, backbends, (more backbends), twists, forward bends, more backbends, more twists, hip openers, more forward bends, more backbends, more hip openers, and more twists.

By Sunday morning I was a bowl of spaghetti.

Of course, interspersed with all of this was meditation and philosophy lecture. Which, believe it or not, is actually easier to listen to when you're panting on the ground after holding vasisthasana.

Sunday morning, John led us into a series of intense hip openers. Partway through the class, we began a Hanumanasa series. Usually, I find this pose fairly easy, as I have very open hips. But after four rounds, holding each pose significantly longer ... OUCH.

During the final round, as we were holding the pose and there were quiet mutters and murmers and gasps throughout the class, John asked one of the visitors to tell us a story of Hanuman, the Monkey God. "You can come out of the pose when it's finished."

As if on cue, someone piped up, "Then make it a SHORT one, please!!!"

The visitor, a Vedantic scholar, took a deep breath, looked around and, with a smile, said merely, "Jai Hanuman!" (Praise Hanuman!)

In thanks, we all started laughing and clapping. WHILE WE WERE IN THE POSE.

We were all so grateful that relief was at hand that we took the time to show our thanks - through laughter and applause. Instead of rushing into comfort, we acknowledged our gratitude even in the midst of discomfort.

And then, of course, we all groaned and collapsed to our sides, shaking our heads and grinning like foolish monkeys ourselves.

Respect for the FIRST TIME In Her Life

Another pause for a brief moment of funny, because I am sure that I will be all sortsa deep and meaningful after the upcoming weekend studying yoga with John Friend!... This has been making the rounds of the Intertubes and I find it very funny:

To the citizens of the United States of America from Her Sovereign Majesty Queen Elizabeth II

In light of your failure in recent years to nominate competent candidates for President of the USA and thus to govern yourselves, we hereby give notice of the revocation of your independence, effective immediately. Her Sovereign Majesty Queen Elizabeth II will resume monarchical duties over all states, commonwealths, and territories (except Kansas, which she does not fancy). Your new Prime Minister, Gordon Brown, will appoint a Governor for America without the need for further elections. Congress and the Senate will be disbanded.

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Of course, I can't help but wax reminiscent of Eddie's early take on this one:



N ow, that's one saved fuckin' Queen.

Take a Step Forward, No I'm Sorry, Take a Step Back, Then a Step Forward...

And then we're Cha-Cha-Ing.

Life for me has been one really big Cha Cha lately.

When you're seriously (and I mean SERIOUSLY) sleep deprived, it does not feel like a good kind of Cha-Cha, fun and kinda sexy. No, it feels like you're flailing around, three steps back, half a step forward and then teetering on the edge of the floor as the gymnasium pool opens up below your feet. (And if you don't get that movie reference, shame on you!)

But, when you're doing okay, sleepwise, everything else seems to fall into place. And the music is upbeat and you can kind of laugh even as you realize you look a little silly.

This week, CrazyBossLady has been just that. I think it's reached heights of hilarity when I'm witness to such a hysterical temper tantrum (and, heck, I used to throw em, I know what they look like!) that her UK counterpoint hung up on her. Awkward much? I spent an hour on the phone with her today listening to her talk herself into and out of various modus operandi, uttering little more than, "yeah. uh huh. um, sure."

And not once did my knickers get in a knot, did my heart rate soar or did I even suffer the mildest symptoms of my good friend anxiety attack.

I honestly don't know why. Maybe it's because I have my John Friend retreat coming up and I have made it abundantly clear that, no matter what happens, I will NOT be working this weekend. Maybe it's because I'm reading wonderful meditations on the Buddha Tara. Maybe it's because I broke down and got meself a prescription for Ambien. (Heck, maybe I'm carbo loading in my sleep due to sleep eating...) Maybe it's because the moon isn't so unbelievably full this week. Dunno.

Whatever the reason, I'm glad that so far this week has been a relatively enjoyable Cha Cha. Of course, tomorrow is Wednesday. Happy Wednesday...

Step Away from the Wall

For some reasons, Wednesdays have been tough on me. I don't know if its because that's when my body stops being able to "muscle through" the exhaustion after a Sunday night insomnia attack or because 72 hours of being micromanaged is my tipping point, or what. But on most recent Wednesdays I have become slightly emotionally unwrapped.

This week was REALLY bad.

A $500 car bill didn't help. Note to small rodents everywhere: I know it's cold. But please do not attempt to warm yourself up by crawling into my car's engine. Bad things happen. Bad smells ensue. Seriously.

On top of the car debaucle, I started off the day managing a temper tantrum from my boss while on the Commuter Rail. She was shouting so loud the other passengers could her. Not at me, just to me. But that puts me in a very awkward situation. Why do I always get the bosses who don't know how to control their emotions? "Let's use our big people feelings words, now, okay?"


Of course, I should talk. By the time Good Buddy picked me up (hours and hours late, may I add) I was an emotional wreck. If I were him, I would NOT want to spend any more time with me.

So, yesterday, as it was Work From Home day, I decided to spend some time pulling myself together. I went for walks. I sat and watched the surf roll in in the mist. I went to yoga. And - I know you'll be shocked! - I got another lesson I needed to hear.

The instructor told us we were going to do inversions earlier in the class, rather than later, so that we wouldn't be tired. "I want some of you to move away from the wall and try it in the center today." In yoga, when you're working up to holding a handstand or headstand, you start against the wall. It's less scary, MUCH easier to balance and you can use the wall for support instead of arm/shoulder/back strength. But, as the instructor pointed out, if you've been leaning on the wall for 6 months, you're probably not progressing at all.


Somehow, I feel like I need to have this discussion with the new boss. In this role, I feel like I've gotten a good handle on who we are, what we do and what we need to do to be successful. But BossLady is constantly asking for updates, reminders, status notes, ad infinitum. I just want to shout at her - "I've got it under control." She's so completely unable to let go that, finally, I've just let her take over. I let her do it because it's easier than fighting for my own independance.

But, if I keep leaning against the wall, I'm probably not making any progress.

So, somehow, subtly and tactfully, I am going to have to figure out how I can successfully move away from the wall. And I have to find a way to make her comfortable with that too.

It will be interesting.

But, hopefully (please please please) it will result in a happier, more confident, more together, much LESS unravelled Kalesy. Wednesday and everyday.

A Much Needed Humor Break

It's a little long, the quality is poor, but damn! this is funny....

Exhaustion

I have no real excuse for not posting for awhile except ZZZZzzzzzzzzzzzzzz...

I've been really, freakin tired.

I don't know if it's a matter of coming down from the week after the week in Seattle, if I've been fighting something or if my body is just tired of waking up in the middle of the night with racing thoughts and a pounding chest. Yea, stress'll kill you.

But last night it was so warm out and the air smelled so deliciously of autumn that I just had to walk up to Niles Beach for the sunset. I'm so glad I did.

That picture doesn't do it any justice, since it was taken with a camera phone, but the light, the waves, the sky, it was all so beautiful.

I returned home full of peace and managed to hold onto it for most of the night.

And then ....

When I woke up I had no emails from the boss. Not one. Not a single email from CrazyBoss Lady. And this scared me.

So now, the thing I have been praying for has come to pass and now I am nervous.

Really, what the hell is wrong with me?