Not the Bill of Rights or Human Rights but the Rights of being a Person

It's probably no surprise to those who know me that I have a *tad* bit of a problem standing up for myself. Maybe it's because, as a kid, displaying my independance wound up with serious retribution. (OED: spanking). Of course, there are thousands of other reasons that years of therapy (enter angels singing) have opened my eyes to.

All of the causes and reasons aside, the reality remainst that I am still unable and/or uncomfortable voicing my rights.

For three weeks, I've been "working" at a start-up publishing company trying to get their first mass-market title in circulation. I was hired to help with marketing tasks, but the author (read: boss) decided it was more important to "get the book out there." So my job description went from marketing to sales. Just like *snap* that.

So, here it is, three weeks later. I've put in 60+ hours and have yet to see a dime. The woman I deal with on a day-to-day knows that things are uncomfortable, but I haven't quite yet been at a comfortable level to broach the subject.

A wise and knowing friends offered this: "You're not asking for special treatment. You're asking for compensation for services rendered."

She's right. So why am I so worried about going in there tomorrow and asking for a frank discussion? Why do I feel the need to practice it over and over?

I know and believe in my worth as a person and a profession. Why can't I stand up for that worth?

Adjusting to a New Reality

So, the new job is great. Awesome, actually. I like the tasks, I like the peeps, I like the mission. Problem is, I'm being paied intern money. As this is under the table, I don't really mind. It gives me a reason to get up in the morning and a sense of mission. But what *is* difficult is that my tendency is to not turn off when "work" ends.

I'm getting emails at nights and on weekends. It's the trait of a stream-of-consciousness personality. Not the obsessiveness of CBL, as she was misassociating. This is an author, caring and passionate about his work. And, likewise, I feel strongly about it. BUT - I don't get paid for nights/weekends/overtime. So, the question becomes, how do I manage this push/pull?

My history cautions me to enact restraint. And I am legitimatily trying. That said, it also feels pretty dern good to have a reason to be on call, on email, etc.

Guess I need to come to a happy equilibrium...

Ugh.

Holy Matrimony

I admit, I watched the whole royal wedding. I didn't want to, but the reminiscince of the wedding of Diana - on my birthday - was too compelling.

Yet, the beauty and the paegentry reminded me of that what is lacking in my own life. I can celebrate victories of my own accord. And I can enjoy the results of disruptive circumstances.

The fact remains, when I need support or comfort, I simply cannot turn to Handsome Man. How I wish that I could. For that is what I need of a lover; not a "fixer" but a "comforter." Alas, it doesn't seem that we will ever see eye to eye. And so maybe we need to say goodbye.

.Protocal

Many years ago, Lady Diana Spencer married Prince Charles on my birthday, the 29 of July. I woke early, with my best friend alongside, and watched the entire proceedings. Lady/Princess Diana wore a beautiful dress ... for the 80's. Regardless, she was a princess for an age needing a princess.

Now, it's time for Dianna's son to lead the realm. And in 6+ hours, the festivities will begin. I WANT to watch. I'm eager to see the pageantry and decorum. I also feel slightly guilty about transcending my actual concerns with the distraction of something that means, to be frank, little regarding my daily life and concerns.

The girl in me that threw quarters into the pond at Bloomingdales and wished to wear a Cinderella dress, and the woman in me that adored three days spent in DisneyWorld with unlimited chances to meet princesses, and the person in me who wears trailgear and functional-wear - we're in a bit of a quandry.

Do I waant to wake up uber early to see the pageantry? Or do I just really want to sleep long and deep?

I can't believe this is even a matter of importance....

Warning - dork-itude ahead

I've truly and honestly been trying to get into the Game of Thrones. I mean, it seems like something right up my alley. But watching it - and so many of it's kin - it just doesn't hold water. I have a map of Arthurian England on my bedroom wall. I have a gilded copy of Mallory's Morte d'Arthur on my bookshelf. Hell, I have a mapped out family tree and a graded copy of an Honors Treatise. Can any story come up against that comprehensive tale of love and angst and fealty and betrayal? Sure - I have some knowledgeable friends who would protest intelligently and effectively that there are collections of work that do just that. But a single, narrative myth that encompasses so many emotions, so much raw humanity... I just don't see it. And these new stories, adapted by HBO and Showtime and Starz and... while they might serve the purpose of viewership, they just don't hold up. The reality is, the stories of old, twisted and meddled with in every which way, are still the originals. They had it right back then. And we shouldn't keep trying to improve upon the old ways. Because they can't be improved upon... Sorry to be all dork-i-tude. But I did graduate with honors...