Milkbone Underwear

Over the past few weeks, I've really been struggling with this "life transition." I know in my heart and soul that escaping "corporate America" is what I need to do. But there is so much baggage connected to that. I've been feeling grief and fear, worry that I will disappoint, worry that I will fail. Carving your own way is difficult enough, what with the thorns and brambles that threaten to tear at you. Add to that the concern - lack of confidence - from your immediate family and, well you can figure the rest out.

But, here's the rub. I was having dinner with a wonderful friend (you can never know how wonderful) tonight and this realization hit me like a brick. The world of business (as Scrooge would have said) is about competition - coming out ahead, climbing the corporate ladder better, quicker, more adeptly. The life-view that I hold (you may call it spirituality or religion or mantra or whatever) is that we are all in this together. We are all pieces of a giant, brilliant, radiant whole and that when we support one another, we support all.

A few years ago, when I was suffering through a painful breakup from a lover who had all but alientated me from my friends, I attended a ritual for the Celtic New Year. I felt alone and barren and bereft. And this very same friend reached over and rubbed my shoulders, took me into her arms. She had no reason to reach out to me - I had abandoned her without cause or explanation. But she saw my fear and pain and bore it with me.

The long and short of it is this: those that get ahead in the "business" world - corporate or educational or any other hiearchical structure - are those that know how to compete. And those of us that live to serve humanity and a higher cause, well... we're basically just fucked.

But, in being fucked (metaphorically of course) we have so much to gain. We are free to pursue our own paths, to forge new directions, to join forces in unexpected ways, to create a network of people supporting people.

It may be a radical notion, but one I can hope for as a better way ahead.

In the ever-echoing words of ancients before me: "So mote it be."

And this is why I love Canadians

If you haven't heard, I am somewhat obsessed with Canadian Stand-Up Comedy (See here for proof). I don't know why. But XM LaughAttack 153 is my go-to whenever I need a giggle. It's DEFINITELY an XL channel but the humor is usually much more insightfully vulgar than gratuitously vulgar.

A good example of this is Darren Frost. Unfortunately, none of the bits that are my favorites are available on youtube. I'll keep trying and update when appropriate.

BUT - here is the amazing thing. I listen to Darren's show and enjoy his stand-up tremendously. But he's not readily available on YouTube or iTunes. So I emailed him. And he sent me his DVD. ...BEFORE he asked for payment.

If you're in the States, that's a sign of a lunatic. If you're in Canada, that's a sign of a human being.

I mailed the check off today. If it gets where it's going, well, that's a case for the RCMP. But I held just as true to my end of the deal as he did.

This isn't the only Canadian Comedian who has offered this kind of deal.

In addition to the laughter, this has taught me one fundamental thing: why is humanity - and specifically US-based humanity - so cynical? He mailed me the DVD. I mailed him the check It's right and honest and fair and enjoyable, Wouldn't it be a great world if more things were like that?

I truly think Darren would agree with that. But he'd still call me Fucky if I sat in the front row...

Flowing with Grace and All that Other Nonsense

The style of yoga I most love, Anusara, has one central theme: soften and open to Grace. The theory behind this is, if you open to Grace, grace will lead you the way.

This morning, I was having a VERY hard time getting out of bed. I'd had another bout of my infamous insomnia and, after finally falling back to sleep, I had nightmare after torturiously realistic nightmare. I woke up, still exhausted, and really wanted nothing more than to stay in bed all day. If I didn't HAVE to be anywhere, I didn't WANT to be anywhere.

But then, on a whim, I checked out the schedule at a local yoga studio. And, snap!, one of my favorite teachers was teaching at noon. It was 9. Plenty of time to do the annoying little things I'd put on my "to do" list and still make it to class. And then, class was only 10 minutes away from a theatre showing a film I wanted to see, The Rite." PS - don't make the same mistake I did.

Then, I got a call from a local Time Bank friend who can offer help on start-up businesses. And then I got a call from the contact of the PR firm working with the CAFM this year. And she invited me to a Women and Wine networking event this Thursday. Then I chatted with the admissions counselor from the nearby community college about their entrepreneurship certificate. And then I talked to someone from the Time Banks about promoting their annual fundraiser. And then...

So, I forced myself out of bed for yoga. And all this other "and then's" happened. And people STILL doubt the power of the Universe and the laws of attraction and the theory of karma? Seriously? Doods, I am living friggin proof!

PS -- Kitty curled up contentedly on my bed. She hasn't journeyed upstairs in weeks. She MUST be feeling better. Yea!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Musing on Mortality

A few years ago, upon the eve of my High School Reunion, I made the comment that it would be odd to show up with no husband, no children, no family. A very insightful and very dear friend took that opportunity to point out that the 'traditional" were never things I'd aspired to. That's not to demean those choices - just that they were never right for me.

And I know this is not nearly the same thing as a mother for her children. But, Peepers is sick. She's got a kidney infection and, while the vet seems confident of her full recovery, I am petrified. I keep watching her, obsessed that she seems sullen, lethargic or miserable. Of course it's not the same as having a child. But with her in the vet office today, the house felt unmistakably lonely. Sure, Eliza is there with her cries and nudges. But the staid and aloof attidtude of the Peeps was definitely missing.

I've joked for a long time that I am a "crazy cat lady." Guess it turns out that there's more to it than a joke.

I'm sure there is some deep, insightful metaphor or meaning to all of this. And maybe tomorrow I'll figure it out. But tonight, I'll settle for watchin my Lamby Pie Petunia sleep on the edge of the bed...

Right now, she seems so content and restful. Here's hoping that it is a sign of things to come...

The Difference Between 3 Brooms and Kim Crawford

I'm really enjoying my new stint at Alchemy. It sounds strange to say that I get a lot of pride from ... waitressing? But I do. There's something satisfying about meeting strangers and giving them a memorable experience. And all this while they're doing one of the simplest functions of humans - eating.

I'm still in training because business has been so slow. But I've worked out a great deal w/ the restaurant. Because I don't want to screw up my unemployment checks, I'll train for the cost of a meal and a drink. Not too shabby when a full meal and glass of wine normally costs ~$40. Plus, truffle risotto, sweet potato gnocchi and a glass of Lolonis Fume Blanc is freaking fantastic.

I know the name and producer of that variatel because, at the end of every shift, I get to sample wines from our menu to "experience" them. Serious perks to working in a high-end restaurant.

For so long, I've been wanting to belong to my community, enjoy living on a gorgeous island, and spending time on some random things. Now, I have the chance. And it involves drinking wine as homework...

I start my class on entrepeunership on Tuesday. Details will be forthcoming.