Serenity Now!

And, thus begins the allnighter.

Meeting the peeps - dorks that we are - down in Boston for a double-feature, midnight movie event: Can't Stop the Serenity. It's the fourth annual event in the Serenity Now / Equality Now fundraiser, to support the important and necessary work of Equality Now.

It's a really important cause and it's going to be a great night. I loved Firefly and Serenity is one of the best Sci-Fi fantasy movies, oh, pretty much evah. And it's opening with Dr. Horrible!

The problem is, I got about two hours of sleep last night. I've been under tremendous amounts of stress. And if I watch both movies, I'll get home, oh, around 5 am.

And, of course, Capt Joe wants me to swing by the docks for some French Press afterward.

I am realizing - in no uncertain terms - that I am NOT in college anymore.

Pulling an allnighter without the "assistance" of GoodBuddy? Can it be done?

We shall see!

Sweet Suite

I am a success. That feels obnoxious to type, but it appears to be true.

I just got back (yes, on a Saturday) from a very successful trip where our CEO gave a keynote address, our business unit President made a well-received presentation, CBL had a meltdown, and I got a commendation from not one, but TWO CEO's. Who rocks? I rock.

As mentioned before, I was in attendance to oversee a videotaping session for a social media "testimonial" project I proposed. It's a high price tag item but I think one that can be well worth the investment. We leveraged the fact that a lot of our clients would be in Baltimore for a conference and set up a makeshift filming studio in a suite in the same hotel. Upside to this is, I got to spend my entire stay in said suite. Sweet!

Here's a picture of the cool woodwork inlaid in the floor:

And here's the platter of AMAZING Berger's Cookies we got for our film subjects:

It was a much-needed upside to what was otherwise a very stressful, very intense trip. I worked about 20 extra hours last week to prepare for it and pulled three 12-hour days in a row while there. But I got a lovely note from our President (who I think is one of the smartest guys ever) and I was actually offered a bonus award by CBL.

Not only that, but when I had to share a cab with her to the airport (Universe, what up with that?) she said to me (and I quote): "So, you're taking Monday off? You know, you shouldn't even switch on your laptop or check your Blackberry. Really take the day off. You deserve it." (Which seems like kind of an obnoxious request (No, really, take the day off. No, I insist. No, I'm not thinking snarky thoughts about your work ethic. Really, I'm not.) But, I'm going to take her up on the offer.

So, for once, here's to getting the recognition I deserve.

Do You Have DInner Plans?

It seems an innocent enough question. An innocuous enouugh question. But there are so many ways to answer it. What it right? What is wrong? What is technically fine but actually harmfully in many many ways?

Today was the culmination of a months-long project wherein we have been gathering testimonial videos of many people regarding my product. I was responsible for every aspect of the project - securing the video production company, confirming the interviews, crafting the scripts, scheduling the events, and - the most painful of all - "wrangling" the talent.

It would be a tough enough project as is, outlined above. Add to that we were interviewing my boss, my boss's boss, our CEO, our partner company CEO, and several major big wigs from overseas. So, yea, I've been a bit nervous.

Given the amount of work I've had in the last couple of weeks and given the amount of "grunt work" I have to do on any given basis and given the fact that beyond all of that I am trying to manage the anxiety of this project, well, I've been a bit of a mess......

Last night - not surprisingly - despite going to bed nice and early and nice and relaxed, I had a fair amount of nightmares. I didn't get a massive amount of sleep. I didn't get a good night's rest. So when the alarm went off at 4 am, I was a wee bit groggy.

Tonight, after all of this, CBL offered to take me out for a "casual" dinner. Now, maybe she was genuinely trying to be nice. Maybe she just worried about making me eat alone. But, really, after all this stress, worry and distress, the last thing I wanted to do at 8 pm was hang out with CBL. Not that she isn't a nice person. It's just that ...

I'm sure you see where I'm going with this. It's what Therapist calls my "serving my essential needs." I tend to give precendence to what CBL needs (hanging out with me for dinner) with what I need (R&R). Of course, the tough thing is that, if I lie, I can't exactly expense the dinner.

So, here's me. Rock (expense report) / Hard place (hang out with CBL). It really sucks that she has this much control over my life. I know, cry me a river. Story of my life. Yadda yadda.

CBL - Another Example

It's about five hours past my bedtime. Still....

I was all fired up when I got home. Positive social interaction and all that...

Then, I made the mistake of checking my Blackberry.

People want to know why I call her CBL. To whit. I sent my last email at 6:10 tonight. Nothing very major or pressing.

At 11:45, I had 27 new emails.

I have a conference call with her at 8 am. What couldn't possibly wait 9 hours?

"I had an adrenaline rush. It's very common. You can Google it."

Anonymity and Personality

Tonight, I went to a meeting for fellow CapeAnn Bloggers. It was begun by Capt. Joe and seems to be a great way for fellow writers and artists to reach out and meet one another. What struck me most about tonight's event is how, despite my amazing and seemingly innate love for this place, I do not truly belong here nor will I will for what I am sure is a long time. Gloucester has a long and deep history that is way beyond how gorgeous the sunrise looks from the backshore or the current political landscape. The town's history runs through bloods and bones, through stories and generations.

That being said, I had a really great time. I am sure I drank too much at the Cape Ann Brew Pub but the beer was very, very yummy. And it was great to chat with others who are involved with writing and the arts and exchanging thoughts and idea.

At one point, someone asked me, "If you're not creating, do you feel like you're dying?"

WOW.

Yeah. I mean, yes. Yes, I do. Of course I do.

The thing is, sometimes, I'm too tired to realize that. Sometimes I am too focused on shipping boxes or faxing forms or filling out budget accruals to realize that I want/need/have to be creative. In some way shape or form.

What I guess I'm thankful for, is that there are others out there who share that need. That passion. Because when you're not being creative - and you feel that closeness to souldeath - you can feel like you're going insane.

But you're not. You're just drying up. Dessication.

I am glad I skipped the gym. I am glad I slathered on the makeup. I am glad Capt. Joey started the group. I'm glad I moved to Gloucester.

When the alarm goes off in exactly four hours, I might rethink all of this. But for now.

Tomorrow, folks, I promise, a more entertaining, amusing post. Or, back to the regularly scheduled programming. Cross my heart.