Monday, July 25, 2011


Which, for me, translates to "shit fuck damn." And that's how I feel.

Family sent me to the looney bin. Details don't really matter, but it was an over-the-top reaction to a family disagreement. I have never before been so humiliated. And while waiting for the ambulance to take me to said looney bin, Mom said things to me that were so hurtful, so deaming that I don't think they'll ever get out of my mind.

Mom's apologized,. But how can that ever be enough? She acts now as if it never happened. That her apologizing makes things okay. She belittled me and threw every decision, every act I've ever done not only into question, but into disregard. And now I'm supposed to care that they had farm-stand corn on the cob - which used to be my birthday dinner.

Add to that that Good Buddy is having what translates to a total break-down. Every attempt I make to argue him out of his state - which is, honestly, self-imposed - he shuts down and tells me he can't deal and will call me later. This from a man who told me, when I was legitimantly in the hospital, that I "was better than this. I needed to get over this."

Add to the fact the neither I nor my kitten can get over the loss of "Lamby Pie" - that I hope to see her in the windowsill or offering her meow when I get over the shower. Add that to where I am and it's amazing I can even function.

Today I didn't get up enough to shower or get outside. But being awake and somewhat c0herent seems a victory,.

My appointment with Amazing Therapist can't come soon enough.