Thursday, May 12, 2011

Mixed, er um, feelings

So I've been under a lot of stress lately. One of the new "jobs" hasn't exactly turned out the way I thought. And, that's a post in and of itself (which will have to wait).

But I've also been juping through LOTS of beauracratic hoops and that plus money worries has me stressed out in so many ways. In fact, I'm so stressed I don't even feel stressed. It's just become my normal state.

Enter the effects.... I've developed and "acute case of IBS." In case you're not familiar with IBS, it's a condition whereby the digestive tract acts in ways that cause significant and frequent "flare-ups" that make normal digestion "uncomfortable or painful." Hello understatement.

So my life has devolved into working (see clusterfuck), coming home to down some Immodium and then read in between ... episodes. I've not eaten anything of substance in five days.

So, yeah, that's been my life. Gruesome and annoying, but ... A sad result is that I haven't been able to hang out or see friends for days now...

Enter Handsome Man. He means well, I'm sure he does. But it's been daaaaaaaaaaaaays since we've seen each other. And to rectify that situation? Tonite he invited me out to dinner. DINNER. I've had the farts and shits for a week and he invites me out to DINNER.

On the one hand, I'm thankful that he's been paying attention to my desire to spend time together. On the other hand ----- what part of I'M SICK AS A DOG are you not hearing?

But the upside to all of this is it's given me time to think ... to really think. I'm not in the throes of excitement of being free from corporate tyranny. I'm edging out of the throes of red-tape nightmares. Now I have a chance to REALLY hunker down and use this time for self-reflection, self improvement and direction in ways that will help me reach MY goals.

So, yeah, mixed emotions. As for feelings? Emotionally - getting there. Physically -- Immodium take me awaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaay.