PS - the beauty of living on an island

Tomorrow is high tide. Tomorrow, I have the day off.

High tide picnic anyone? It's a pretty sweet view from the backshore of Gloucester!

Anniversaries

In 20 days, it will be a full year since my "episode." That's what my dad calls it. Here's what I call it: nervous breakdown.

I was dealing with an atrocious amount of pressure: 60-hour work weeks, a boss who was intruding on my personal space and time, an 11-year friend and lover who had abandoned me, and a family who didn't understand at all what I was going through. To me, not so surprising that I wound up hospitalized.

Fast forward to today. Still having insomnia. But, on the whole, happy as Larry (however happy he is) (than you Eddie Izzard). Sure, money is tight and some things are awkward with the living situation. But I'm building out a business plan, working with non-profit groups I feel strongly about and generally making friends in my community.

Plus I'm going to the gym and hopefully will soon stop having bra hangover!

All this to say, I realize how far I've come. And that's why I don't hesitate to say "breakdown." I summoned my resources, I called upon the Universe, I pulled together my person army and I did what needed to be done. I can honestly say I am proud of myself.

I have no idea why I felt the need to blog this. Maybe just to see it in writing. But I'm glad it can be out there.

That is all. :-)

What goes around...

Years ago, I was telling GoodBuddy about setting up my altar in my new home. I was explaining how it was annoying that I didn't have a good compass to tell me where North was, so I could position the elements correctly.

At the time, Good Buddy thought it entertaining that I practiced witchcraft. After all, his group of friends didn't stray much into the occult...

Fast forward. GB and I have been through A LOT. And recently, we've been sharing each other's burdens as we both fashion a new life for ourselves. He's moved physically, from Boston to Florida. I've moved emotionally, from corporate America to entrepreneurship. We both have experienced times of doubt and insecurity. We've also been relying on one another for motiviation, confidence, advice and support.

Today, I got a gift in the mail. I opened the envelope to find a simple note: "To keep you on the right path." It was a compass. On the back, he had written, "Find YOUR true north."

Ugh - stress

My whole "change of life" has been, in part, to reduce day-to-day stress. And, for the most part, it has. But recently there are two huge stresses that are really taking their toll.

1) Money. I've been covering 100% of utilities for awhile. On a salary, no probs. On unemployment, prob. I want to talk about it, but apparently, confrontation cest'ne pas bien. 2) Big fight with one of my best friends. She wanted me to validate her point in an argument. But the reality is, she had unreasonably expectations.

A true Leo would stand up for her rights and beliefs. So why can't I? I feel like I need to minimize my financial needs with the roomate and apologize for my response to my friend.

I guess what I TRULY need is to strike the balance between compassion and self-respect. How soon can that lesson be learned? How soon can it be put to use?

Knowing my place...

So far, life at the restaurant is good. I'm learning a lot - not necessarily explicit, but more of what I'm picking up behind the scenes. I haven't yet been "accepted" by the staff, but fuckit - they're all 10+ years younger than I am and, frankly, I don't need their approval.

What IS driving me crazy is the inefficient and impractical way things are managed. I certainly can't walk into a situation and tell the powers that be how things should be done. But, oh, if I could...

They expect us to know wine and wine pairings, but they don't offer any concrete suggestions. I.E "Suggest the Riesling when...", "the Malbec is good for..." And then they test us on our knowledge and we get in trouble for not having the answers.

Same goes for the food. I know a lot about the dishes I've ordered. And a fair amount about the dishes I've served. But there's no "menu bible" that shows what each dish looks like and what the ingrediets are and how it's cooked. Let's be honest - you can read a menu till the cows come home (buh dump bump cha) but it's not until you see it in real life can most of us actually grasp it.

These and so many other things I would like to suggest. I'm not in a place to do so and that pains me - both from a personal perspective but also for the restaurant's greater good. But what can you do?

In the meantime, I pray that I make much money. I'm wicked broke - to the point of not being able to pay rent. I need to talk to ye olde roomate about the utilities, but both of us are too uncomfortable to bring it up in person...

So much going on, so much going through my mind.. The GM is manager on duty (MOD) tomorrow, so maybe I can casually mention some of this stuff.

Sucks being the smartest person in the room, eh? LOLOLOLOL