The Daughter My Mother Never Had

As we all know, Kalesy's mom is a bit of a Church freak. God on speed-dial and all that. In addition to her roles as Eucharistic Minister, Altar Girl (Woman?), CCD teacher, Christmas Pageant Organizer, Head of the Welcoming Committee, and Nursing Home Minister, she also occasionally serves as a sponsor for kids getting their first communion and confirmation.

One of these kids is Lindsey.

My mother adores Lindsey. Lindsey adores my mother. In my (now abandoned) bedroom at "home," pictures of Lindsey adorn the dresser and desk. Lindsey in her first communion dress, Lindsey in her school picture, Lindsey and my mom in matching dresses at her confirmation. Now why on earth would this give me a complex?

Yesterday, Mom went in for cataract surgery. If I was told once I was told a hundred times: this was no big deal, in and out, standard procedure, do not worry. So I didn't.

When my mom recovered enough, she gave me a call. She was feeling okay, she said. A little tired. But I should see the bouquet of flowers Lindsey sent her, with a beautiful little Get Well Soon note...

I suck.

Karmic Retribution and a Lack of Sleep

I've been doing a bad thing lately. Actually, by not doing something, I've been bad. I haven't been writing in my journal. I'm not sure why I've been so bad about it - I know that journaling helps me clarify my thoughts and exorcise my demons. And lately I've had a lot on my mind, so I should be keeping it up. But I haven't been.

Which is probably why I slept about a grand total of eight minutes last night.

Work is stressful, in a weird sort of boring way. I'm worried about why I'm not being worked hard enough. Is it just that my account doesn't have much going on right now? Or is my boss trying to passive-aggressively communicate something? The work I have done has been well-received, so I am truly at a loss to figure it all out....

And then, of course, there's the personal life. Mr. Zips came up to "visit" yesterday. Still not exactly sure why - the pretext was to drop off some framed pictures he had done. Maybe that was all there was to it, maybe not. But the net net was a very awkward, very difficult afternoon. And he didn't even offer to pick up the tab for lunch.

But, despite a well-meaning coworkers certainty that if I saw Mr. Zips I would have bad karmic reactions - I had a great karmic reaction.

After Mr. Zips left, I decided I didn't want to sit at home and wallow. So I went out for a walk and then down to the local Mexican restaurant (site of the infamous "swinger" proposition). Well, this time, I ran into a group of people who are 1) into sustainability and the organic movement locally and 2) apparently have a cute, intelligent, single friend "who would just love me." Business cards were exchanged, plans were tentatively set. So, even if it doesn't work out at all, at least now I know people in town. Real, bonafide friendly types.

So, I had all these intense, conflicting things going on (and that's not even touching on the curfuffle's of close friends or my mother's pending cataract surgery) and instead of writing I just watched a John Malkovich movie and went to bed. And woke up. And woke up. And woke up.

Tonight, I'm gonna write in my journal like a MoFo and then sleep like a baby.

Shout out to good people

Last week I performed a total bonehead move: I hopped in my car, dialed a local lunch place to order To Go Food, drove the 15 minutes there (hey, I work in the boonies!), parked and walked in. Only to realize I forgot my wallet.

Argh.

So I went in and explained my idiocy to the guy working there. I felt like such a tool. He gave me the sandwich anyway, telling me he hated food to go to waste.

Today, to thank him, I drove back and offered not only the money for the sandwich, but a small bag of gourmet bakery cookies.

He took the cookies, refused the money.

"It's important people can still trust other people."

So, if you're ever in Beverly, MA, eat at Wrapture. They rock. And their food is pretty damn good too.

Important Portents

You probably are not shocked to find out that I place a lot of stock in astrological events. And given the events of last week, even more so.

You see, tonight is a full eclipse of a full moon. (cue witchy music). Here's what one site had to say about the implications about tonight's event:

A lunar eclipse is a time of beginnings, endings, exposure and major changes. It always has something to do with "relationships". The changes are tied to how we relate and will have a lasting impression. Emotions run high, causing upsets and feelings of disorientation. Actions taken often do not have the expected results, but they do bring awareness and enlightenment. The energy of an eclipse is at its strongest during the two days before and three days after its occurrence.

At lunar eclipses we: merge, unite, announce, contact, present ourselves, bring something out into the open, make decisions, engage, rise to the challenge, make an effort, change, get a new perspective, join with others, take on greater challenges, travel at a faster pace, feel restless, feel pressured by deadlines and a buildup of emotions, and experience excitement and crisis.

Oy vay. That's a lot of intense .... intensity.

And yet, tonight as I walked down to the beach after yoga (it was crazy low tide - I had to walk far and no socks!) I felt nothing but peaceful. It was quiet and serene, the stars shining above, the moon lighting the water for miles and miles. It felt almost mystical.

Who knows what tonight - or the rest of the year holds. But I'm pretty darn sure that there will be some magick in it.

WTF?

Haven't posted in a bit because my life has been The Perfect Storm of personal tragedy. And while none has happened to me, I've been the pincushion - the proverbial shoulder to cry on for all and sundry.

So, while I'm dealing with this, I caught The Colbert Report last night. Upon announcing the writer guild reconciliation, he welcomed his writers. Among them, Mikhail Baryshnikov a/k/a Misha. The one true love of my life.

WTF? I mean, I'm all for gratuitous Misha shots, but I'm seriously confused...