Action v Reaction

I was at the gym the other day (ouch) when a woman on the elliptical behind me was rudely and loudly chastised by the man beside her for speaking on her cellphone. Now, obviously, he's right. Cellphones are prohibited in the gym. But to be so loud and obtrusive, well, it seemed gratuitous.

The woman was visibly upset. She explained again and again why she was on the phone. She worried aloud that he would "stalk" her. She was clearly and, understandably, disturbed by the incident.

Here's where the beauty of therapt kicks in. Before, I would have (and have) acted just as this womah did. Apologetic and providing excuses for my behavior. now, I realize that she had less reason to defend herself than he did. Most of us would quietly comment and let it go. This guy had to make a scene of it. Because it wasn't about her "breaking" the rules. It was about him enforcing them. Loudly. And aggressively.

Now that I am examining more closely (thank you therapy) the difference between what is and what we take in, I can make these distinctions. Sure, they're hard in the moment (thank you CBM) but they're there to be seen if you can.

I am blessed and grateful that I have the space and the perspective that helps me see this. Hopefully it can and will remain...

Territoriality

Handsome Man and I have been experiencing some "technical difficulties." That is to say, our schedules rarely match up and, when they do, it tends to be for shortened periods of time in public places such as lunch dates.

While I am well beyond my "snogging in public" years, I don't think a hug or a quick kiss is too much to ask.

A few days ago, after a very enjoyable lunch at a local brewpub (highly recommended) HM and I walked back to our cars. As I went to say goodbye, he retreated from any time to kiss - or even - hug him. I'm not talking about lewd and lascivious here. I'm talking about a squeeze or a peck on the lips from someone who (theoretically) loves you.

Needless to say, it left me a fair bit ticked. I tried to bring the subject up but, because HM doesn't talk about "his feelings" (add smirk), I didn't get very far.

Fast Forward: the other night, I was heading down to a local wateringhole for an after-work margarita. While waiting for HM to join me, I struck up quite the conversation with the bartender. Now, I will share, although it's technically not relevant, said bartender was on the younger side, seemingly intelligent and, yes, not too harsh on the eyes.

Drinks and dinner were had and laughs were shared. Said bartender wandered in on a few of the comments, now and again, as is appropriate.

Upon leaving the restaurant, I began to give HM his perfunctory hug. To my surprise, he swooped me up and gave me a real and totally legitimate kiss. (Yes, folks, tongue and all!)

Now, maybe he was just trying to make up for the other day's disappointment.

But I'm more inclined to believe that he thought another dog was sniffing around his territory and he was not about to let that happen.

Men. Can't live with em; pass the peanuts.

PS - the beauty of living on an island

Tomorrow is high tide. Tomorrow, I have the day off.

High tide picnic anyone? It's a pretty sweet view from the backshore of Gloucester!

Anniversaries

In 20 days, it will be a full year since my "episode." That's what my dad calls it. Here's what I call it: nervous breakdown.

I was dealing with an atrocious amount of pressure: 60-hour work weeks, a boss who was intruding on my personal space and time, an 11-year friend and lover who had abandoned me, and a family who didn't understand at all what I was going through. To me, not so surprising that I wound up hospitalized.

Fast forward to today. Still having insomnia. But, on the whole, happy as Larry (however happy he is) (than you Eddie Izzard). Sure, money is tight and some things are awkward with the living situation. But I'm building out a business plan, working with non-profit groups I feel strongly about and generally making friends in my community.

Plus I'm going to the gym and hopefully will soon stop having bra hangover!

All this to say, I realize how far I've come. And that's why I don't hesitate to say "breakdown." I summoned my resources, I called upon the Universe, I pulled together my person army and I did what needed to be done. I can honestly say I am proud of myself.

I have no idea why I felt the need to blog this. Maybe just to see it in writing. But I'm glad it can be out there.

That is all. :-)

What goes around...

Years ago, I was telling GoodBuddy about setting up my altar in my new home. I was explaining how it was annoying that I didn't have a good compass to tell me where North was, so I could position the elements correctly.

At the time, Good Buddy thought it entertaining that I practiced witchcraft. After all, his group of friends didn't stray much into the occult...

Fast forward. GB and I have been through A LOT. And recently, we've been sharing each other's burdens as we both fashion a new life for ourselves. He's moved physically, from Boston to Florida. I've moved emotionally, from corporate America to entrepreneurship. We both have experienced times of doubt and insecurity. We've also been relying on one another for motiviation, confidence, advice and support.

Today, I got a gift in the mail. I opened the envelope to find a simple note: "To keep you on the right path." It was a compass. On the back, he had written, "Find YOUR true north."