The Difference Between 3 Brooms and Kim Crawford

I'm really enjoying my new stint at Alchemy. It sounds strange to say that I get a lot of pride from ... waitressing? But I do. There's something satisfying about meeting strangers and giving them a memorable experience. And all this while they're doing one of the simplest functions of humans - eating.

I'm still in training because business has been so slow. But I've worked out a great deal w/ the restaurant. Because I don't want to screw up my unemployment checks, I'll train for the cost of a meal and a drink. Not too shabby when a full meal and glass of wine normally costs ~$40. Plus, truffle risotto, sweet potato gnocchi and a glass of Lolonis Fume Blanc is freaking fantastic.

I know the name and producer of that variatel because, at the end of every shift, I get to sample wines from our menu to "experience" them. Serious perks to working in a high-end restaurant.

For so long, I've been wanting to belong to my community, enjoy living on a gorgeous island, and spending time on some random things. Now, I have the chance. And it involves drinking wine as homework...

I start my class on entrepeunership on Tuesday. Details will be forthcoming.

Nostalgia and it's meanings

So, in May, I was priveleged enough to witness 2 of the 3 concerts A-Ha performed in New York City during their Farewell Tour. It was amazing and a memory I will carry to the end of my days. I had the privelege (or tenacity) to meet all three of the ensemble and will never, ever, forget the experience.

Their last -- final -- single was finally released. The video can be seen here.

At first, it made me sad. Even angry. But then, I realized that these three individuals didn't just exist to give me pleasure. They had feelings, thoughts, ambitions of their own.

Still, as I watch their videos and listen to their songs, there is a part of me that grieves. Americans' don't know much about these men except their one-hit-wonder song. But, for me, it was the soundtrack of my life. And, as lame as it may be, I finally broke down and bought that CD. And loved it. And hated it. And will cherish it forever.

We all have memories or thoughts or experiences that shap our existence. We should mever be madeto feel afraid of them.

I hope that will ring true for times ahead.

-K

Oh, so long. Oh, so many changes

It's been ages since I've posted. And I likely have no more followers or readers at this point. Still...

I have officially - for now - given up corporate America. CBL was removed but her replacement was far worse than she could ever be. Worse in different ways, but ways that I could not reconcile.

As example, I would have called in today as a day unsuited to travel. (Read: a foot of snow.) He would have told me I had an office job and any day out of the office constitutied a sick/personal day.

Now, I thankfully don't have to worry about that. What I do have to worry about is the way corporate America seems contect to F'me over on things like unemployment or health insurance.

Still and all, I feel like bitterness and anger doesn't really serve me.

I am trying my best to concentrate on the ways - and there are SO many - this is serving to heal my heart, I am meeting my "home town peeps." I am pursuing goals in the local community. I am taken classes to help me build my own business plan. And, more than anything, I am taking myself out of the corporate wheel.

I need to keep reminding myself of this. Days where I have no work and no plans, it gets a bit difficult. But I have to keep reminding myself of all the things that make me me. So, I apologize if there is a fair amount of gratuitous youtube sharing in days to come, It's been a long time since bloggin and I just might need the buffer YouTube can offer.

Beaten Up by my own damned brain

So much going on I just don't know where to start.

It's no secret that I've had conflicted feelings about work. What with CBL trying to burden me with her insecurities and CBM trying to bully me, it's been a bit of a struggle from the beginning. The problem is, I love the company, I love the product and I really believe in the management of the business.

Which made it even more difficult on Wednesday to hear that they are completely restructuring the business and all of the Americas team should consider themselves "at risk." From a business perspective it makes complete sense. From a personal perspective, it sucks right out loud.

There are a few positions posted for the US team. And, if you're talking from a skillset point of view, I'm feeling pretty confident;. But CBM hates me - there's no hiding that. And whether or not he can make an objective decision is in decidedly in question.

Add to all of that stress - do I or don't I have a job? - Good Buddy is in town.

It got off to a rough start. We were supposed to hang last week and I had even taken the next day off "to recover." Of course, he blew me off. Worse, he lied to me about the reason why. He still thinks I'm the crazy, obsessed girl I was 12 years ago.

The good news is that I showed in no small way that not only was I not that girl, but that I was a woman with her wits and brains about her.

Still, it was a tough day. The person who probably knows me the best in the world blew me off. I understood the reason but still thought it was illegit.

Here's the last thing. Finally, last night, a much needed night of soul-bearing, confrontation-having, no-holds-barred discussion was had. It took us until about 3 a.m. But I think we wound up on the same page. We'll never see eye to eye, but at least it's all out in the open.

And now I'm in bed, typing while my Handsome Man lies next to me. All of the various and sundry events of the last week + have me second guessing everything. And while I want to just snuggle down in his arms, I will do so with a pretty conflicted heart.

SHIT.

Beer 1. Me 0.

Found out about a month ago that Good Buddy was coming up north to tie up some loose strings. He mentioned more than a few times that he really wanted us to hang out.

Now, I know that Good Buddy and I have had our ups and downs. My friends mostly hear about the downs, but there certainly have been a fair amount of ups. The biggest, probably, is that Good Buddy lets me air all of my dirty laundry and never, ever, judges me for it. Preaches, yes. Judges, never.

Part of why I crashed and burned so hard when he left was because he took with him an outlet - a much needed outlet - for untangling my so-very tangled world.

So when I heard he would be in town, I started thinking about how great seeing him would be. We could sort out the whole obnoxious boss thing, talk about my concerns about Handsome Man, laugh about politics, be serious about comedy.

That's the problem with expectations. They can get dashed.

Good Buddy bailed on me tonight. And here's the worst part - he lied about it.

He was supposed to come up after the game, which he was watching at a friend's house. Until the ex-wife showed up and they got into it, full force. Since he's invested ~15 years with her, he felt like tying up that loose end was probably more important than shooting the shit with me. Granted. But what he told me was that he got too wasted to drive north.

So I called him, not unsurprisingly hurt and pissed off. And he continued the whole, "I'm too wasted" thing.

So, here's the question I ask any guy ever stumbling across this blog: Do you really think a woman is SO insane that she won't understand why you need to clear the air with someone? Do you really think that telling us that you need to short shit out is worse than telling us beer, weed and football is more important than hanging out?

Really? Seriously?

I just don't get it.