Still Smitten - and other reasons I'm a bad blogger

I checked back at my stats today and realized - holy shit! I'm a bad blogger! Of course, given my recent "woe is me" storyline, probably few readers left. Still, I should have more of a work ethic, I suppose.

Anyway, there are various and sundry reasons I've neglected my humble little ranting forum of late.

First off - Girlfriend be in love. Sure, it's way too early to tell how this could work out with LRMan. But, damn, I could get used to this. Can you imagine me -- ME! -- enjoying having a man fall asleep on my couch and not hating that I am washing up dishes while he snores? Holy heck - call an intervention!

Second - massive work craziness. BREAKING NEWS: CBL is now CFBL - crazy former boss lady. As of last Thursday, I now report in to a Prima Donna Sales Guy who may be equally as bad. The move makes absolutely no sense unless they are trying to remove everyone possible out from under CBL while they eradicate her. But, in the meantime, things are pretty FUBAR. Stay tuned.

I was letting this distress me for awhile, but the weekend away really did wonders. Just being at Kripalu, seeing the shining faces, integrating the joy, witnessing the nature, receiving nourishment from the food, spending way too much money on the clothes/incence/jewelry (okay, maybe not that part) is healing in and of itself. Add to that yoga, meditation and restorative and Whoosh! massive insight.

Third, it's summer! My best friend and daughter, Ma Bell, have been up to visit. Fiesta and Fourth fireworks have been showered, I've been biking and hiking and all sorts of other outdoor activities. (BTW - will have to write an entire post on the "explosive laughter" that was the BF and MB visit. It's amazing that we're not banned from CVS for life...)

So, in short, I haven't been posting, but life has been full of joy and wonder.

What I realized in part this weekend is that I should share THOSE stories too. Not just what's wrong, but what isn't wrong.

We should concentrate more on that. N'est-ce pas?

Of Jumping, Parachutes and Trust

At the risk of TMI ... there is a man lying sound asleep in bed next to me. He's fairly passed out from a hard day's - fuck that, a hard week's, a hard life's - day of work.

He is not at all my image of the "man of my dreams." Hell, for all I ever knew, it could have always been a "woman of my dreams."

Nonetheless, he is here, beside me, paint caked fairly permanently onto his fingers, beer belly, grey hair, and absolutely, unbelievably attractive to me.

I adore him. To the point where I wrote a short story at which GoodBuddy called me out. "Wow kiddo. Borrowing pretty heavily from real world fantasies are we?" In fact, GoodBuddy and I were really honest about it. On a random night last year, when we'd actually gone out to party, we ran into (what shall we name him?) I owned up. "Um, let's dance, but let's keep it fairly clean. And make sure I come off hot. I want to impress that guy over there." No idea if GoodBuddy was offended or not, but there you have it.

Fast forward a bit. I'd put out all the signals. Let's meet for a drink, let's hang out. Nothing. Finally, I invited him out for Fiesta. And finally, a nibble. Or, more truly, a full on, hard core, smooch.

I finally got what I wanted.

And now, the wicked, stupid, eff'ing insecure demon in me is wondering if I coerced him, forced him, somehow manipulated him into my bed. And if he would be here if it where someone - nay anyone - instead.

All the indicators point to no. And, if I am to be honest, he's wicked smart and wise enough to stand on his own and own up if this were a fly by night thing.

So why, oh why, do I continue to doubt myself?

Years and years of therapy and it still all comes down to this. Am I lovable?

But writing this out, I realize yes. I am. And yes, if he doesn't already, we're moving in that direction. Not because I made him. But because we are. We do. We will.

Smitten

Life has a really funny way of working out...

Last summer, I volunteered at the Cape Ann Farmers' Market. It was more than slightly a selfish move, although I love me some Local Food Movement. I've wanted for a long time to dig in deeper with the local community. Dig some roots. Find me some solid ground.

Whilst chipping in at the market, I came to know me a fella who shall be known as LRMan. (whether you think of this as LeatheRMan or LadderRackMan - entirely up to you.) He's not my "usual" type, but nonetheless, smart, funny, and on totally the same wavelength as yours truly.

I spent about nine months trying to clue him into the fact that I was mackin on him.

Maybe it's because he's a tad older than me. Maybe it's because he's male and - by default - numb to those things. (awww - seriously? c'mon - it's true!) Maybe it's a million different things.

But, finally, a week and change ago, it happened. And after the kiss, I looked at him and said, "well, damn! I've been waiting nine months for that!"

In some ways, we're taking things slow. He/I won't call one another boyfriend/girlfriend. (which at 30-something and 50-something seems moot anyway...) And yet, both of us play coy about when we'll get tired of one another/throw one another to the wolves / leave one another for greener pastures.

I can only speak for myself. He makes me giggle. He makes me laugh. He makes me think. He makes me talk. He hears me, he gets me and, when I am sick, he folds my arms around my teddy bear, kisses me on the forehead, tells me he's sorry he has to go, and wishes me sweet dreams.

So, yes, I want him around. For a good, long while. Other than that, no promises made. But I'm putting it out there. Girlfriend likes her LRMan.

Zero to 60

... or actually 52. But that's an inside joke.

So, after a long, ill-hidden chase, I finally lured the prey into my enchanted web of evil... by making him believe he was chasing me. It's a twisted thing, but we women are pretty derned good at it.

The problem of course, is that I've known for a long time that we would fit well together. And for his part, I think he does really like me and is enjoying the "courtship" stage.

That being said, this thing is moving fast. And that's where my insecurity comes in.

My M.O. is to get all caught up in the "gooey" phase and call it love waaaaay before it deserves the title. Then, by the time I realize it, it's three weeks late and a hundred short.

So, I'm trying to keep a handle on this one. But it's really hard. It's summer, the only AC in the apt is in my bedroom, and my roommate has practically moved into his girlfriend's house. So, how on Earth should we spend the evening...?

Just try telling a Leo to take it slow...

More Comedy

My family has a joke about Law & Order. We call it the Doink Doink show. As in the sound that comes on right after the theme song.

My parents have exhausting schedules. As does my brother. So when they come together at night to wind down, they like to watch some TV. And often, there's nothing any good on. Fifty-seven channels and nothing on...

But, at any given time, in any given place, there is an episode of Law & Order on.

And that's why I think these two following clips are so DERNED funny.


John Mulaney - Law & Order

D-Dub MySpace Video

Jokes.com
John Mulaney - Law & Order
comedians.comedycentral.com
Futurama New Episodes Ugly Americans Funny TV Comedy Blog