Take a Step Forward, No I'm Sorry, Take a Step Back, Then a Step Forward...

And then we're Cha-Cha-Ing.

Life for me has been one really big Cha Cha lately.

When you're seriously (and I mean SERIOUSLY) sleep deprived, it does not feel like a good kind of Cha-Cha, fun and kinda sexy. No, it feels like you're flailing around, three steps back, half a step forward and then teetering on the edge of the floor as the gymnasium pool opens up below your feet. (And if you don't get that movie reference, shame on you!)

But, when you're doing okay, sleepwise, everything else seems to fall into place. And the music is upbeat and you can kind of laugh even as you realize you look a little silly.

This week, CrazyBossLady has been just that. I think it's reached heights of hilarity when I'm witness to such a hysterical temper tantrum (and, heck, I used to throw em, I know what they look like!) that her UK counterpoint hung up on her. Awkward much? I spent an hour on the phone with her today listening to her talk herself into and out of various modus operandi, uttering little more than, "yeah. uh huh. um, sure."

And not once did my knickers get in a knot, did my heart rate soar or did I even suffer the mildest symptoms of my good friend anxiety attack.

I honestly don't know why. Maybe it's because I have my John Friend retreat coming up and I have made it abundantly clear that, no matter what happens, I will NOT be working this weekend. Maybe it's because I'm reading wonderful meditations on the Buddha Tara. Maybe it's because I broke down and got meself a prescription for Ambien. (Heck, maybe I'm carbo loading in my sleep due to sleep eating...) Maybe it's because the moon isn't so unbelievably full this week. Dunno.

Whatever the reason, I'm glad that so far this week has been a relatively enjoyable Cha Cha. Of course, tomorrow is Wednesday. Happy Wednesday...

Step Away from the Wall

For some reasons, Wednesdays have been tough on me. I don't know if its because that's when my body stops being able to "muscle through" the exhaustion after a Sunday night insomnia attack or because 72 hours of being micromanaged is my tipping point, or what. But on most recent Wednesdays I have become slightly emotionally unwrapped.

This week was REALLY bad.

A $500 car bill didn't help. Note to small rodents everywhere: I know it's cold. But please do not attempt to warm yourself up by crawling into my car's engine. Bad things happen. Bad smells ensue. Seriously.

On top of the car debaucle, I started off the day managing a temper tantrum from my boss while on the Commuter Rail. She was shouting so loud the other passengers could her. Not at me, just to me. But that puts me in a very awkward situation. Why do I always get the bosses who don't know how to control their emotions? "Let's use our big people feelings words, now, okay?"


Of course, I should talk. By the time Good Buddy picked me up (hours and hours late, may I add) I was an emotional wreck. If I were him, I would NOT want to spend any more time with me.

So, yesterday, as it was Work From Home day, I decided to spend some time pulling myself together. I went for walks. I sat and watched the surf roll in in the mist. I went to yoga. And - I know you'll be shocked! - I got another lesson I needed to hear.

The instructor told us we were going to do inversions earlier in the class, rather than later, so that we wouldn't be tired. "I want some of you to move away from the wall and try it in the center today." In yoga, when you're working up to holding a handstand or headstand, you start against the wall. It's less scary, MUCH easier to balance and you can use the wall for support instead of arm/shoulder/back strength. But, as the instructor pointed out, if you've been leaning on the wall for 6 months, you're probably not progressing at all.


Somehow, I feel like I need to have this discussion with the new boss. In this role, I feel like I've gotten a good handle on who we are, what we do and what we need to do to be successful. But BossLady is constantly asking for updates, reminders, status notes, ad infinitum. I just want to shout at her - "I've got it under control." She's so completely unable to let go that, finally, I've just let her take over. I let her do it because it's easier than fighting for my own independance.

But, if I keep leaning against the wall, I'm probably not making any progress.

So, somehow, subtly and tactfully, I am going to have to figure out how I can successfully move away from the wall. And I have to find a way to make her comfortable with that too.

It will be interesting.

But, hopefully (please please please) it will result in a happier, more confident, more together, much LESS unravelled Kalesy. Wednesday and everyday.

A Much Needed Humor Break

It's a little long, the quality is poor, but damn! this is funny....

Exhaustion

I have no real excuse for not posting for awhile except ZZZZzzzzzzzzzzzzzz...

I've been really, freakin tired.

I don't know if it's a matter of coming down from the week after the week in Seattle, if I've been fighting something or if my body is just tired of waking up in the middle of the night with racing thoughts and a pounding chest. Yea, stress'll kill you.

But last night it was so warm out and the air smelled so deliciously of autumn that I just had to walk up to Niles Beach for the sunset. I'm so glad I did.

That picture doesn't do it any justice, since it was taken with a camera phone, but the light, the waves, the sky, it was all so beautiful.

I returned home full of peace and managed to hold onto it for most of the night.

And then ....

When I woke up I had no emails from the boss. Not one. Not a single email from CrazyBoss Lady. And this scared me.

So now, the thing I have been praying for has come to pass and now I am nervous.

Really, what the hell is wrong with me?

Pause

I have a lot of ranting still to do. Clearly I am not completely at peace with all the BS going on at work. Which is evidenced not in the least by my tearful phonecall w/ TiaMarie while in the taxi on the way home from the airport tonight.

But I'll sleep on all the ranting. No good will likely come of it anyway. And I aspire to be unlike my boss and delay forced gratification.

So, instead, I will post pictures of Seattle. It is a beautiful city filledwith beautiful people. The light rivals that of Gloucester. But one thing they far surpass us on is the small details. (I've always said the devil is in the details.) Go for a walk in Seattle and notice the brass or copper carvings inlaid along the sidewalk. The artistry on the directional signs. The sculptures and fountains along the paths along the water.

If Gloucester could ever even moderately imitate some of the scenic touches Seattle has incorporated, we'd be that much better off. Of course, I realize this doesn't all come for free. Maybe Gloucester can start lobbying tradeshow organizations..........