Shout Out!

My bebeh (and by proxy, me) totally got a shout out on the Rachel Maddow show today. How cool are we?

Monkey!

Mr. Zips met one of my heroes today, Rachel Maddow. She came in to the TV station to film a live spot for CNN and he was filming it. I haven't gotten all the 411, but apparently he told her I was a big fan and that I had instructed him to tell her, "Monkey!" (Fans of the show, on Air America Radio from 6 - 8 p.m. will understand). In response, she had him tell me, "Vigilance!" This made me happy.

Which is good because, otherwise, I've had a pretty rough day.

Yoga was very difficult for me today. I was not in a balanced place. Muscular energy, yeah, I got that. I can grip, hug in, draw in, grow strong with the best of them. Organic energy, not so much. Kalesy is struggling with radiating out, revealing her true light of Shakti. All of which sounds like New Age Heathen mumbo jumbo until I translate it. I can grit my teeth and muscle through life like the true daughter of a Marine Corp Sniper (don't bother running, you'll just die tired). But when it comes to letting go, expanding out and trusting that the Universe will hold you up, I'm not quite as skilled. Witness falling over lots in Ardho Chandrasana, half-moon pose. It's something I will need to continue to work on. But as I do, my GetRDone nature lacks patience and self-compassion. And the cycle repeats.

My car is making a noise. A wierd rattle noise. And no service centers are allowed to be open on Sundays. So I'll have to take Friday as an official day off to get her looked at. Joy. Every time I bring my car into one of these places, I leave $300 poorer. At least.

All that and - just when I thought I was smart - I came into this cafe to do my reading for next week's immersion class and I am really NOT getting this tantric philosophy thing. It's confusing. Really confusing. Here's hoping Deb can clarify a little. Because this is even more out there than Hiroshi. And that's out there...

VIGILANCE!

Proving a Point

I really like the show Criminal Minds. It's got hot white guys, hot black guys, hot geeky guys, hot chicks, and Mandy Patinkin. What else could you need in a crime drama?

Last week's episode had a lot to do with race. At one point - and dramatically right before he was shot in a misguided vigilante act - one black cop asked another, "don't you wish it sometimes didn't matter?" To which the other cop replied, "It'll never happen, not in this world."

What I think the show was trying to prove was that it does matter. Sometimes superficially, sometimes to the core, but always. To proclaim that you don't see race is ludicrous.

And just today, my mother once again said exactly that. (Why she feels the need to convince her daughter she's not prejudiced is beyond me, but there you have it.) She was telling me about some shindig at church that's she's signed up to do with another woman, who she professes, "when I look at her, I don't see black. I just see Inez."

Now, let me tell you, in my whitebread hometown, this woman is very black. She's also beautiful, heavyset, tall, well-dressed, etc. But to pretend you don't notice how dark her skin is among all the lillies in the pews, well....

All of this leads me to a really interesting point I heard on, yes, NPR, this week. (click here for OnPoint archive). They were talking about Obama and whether or not he's "black enough." And one of the panelists made a remark to the point of,

"there are some people who are defined by race and determined by race. There are others who move beyond race. Or sex, or culture, or gender, or anything, for that matter. These are people who shine, who are luminant above and beyond mere categorizations. There is something about them that transcends the simple labels that our society feels the need to apply to the world."

I wanted to just shout at my mother. Tell her that you could be friends with Inez -- or anyone -- even though they're black. Or gay. Or a man or a woman. Or whatever. But don't ignore who or what they are. Just don't define them by it.

Because all of us should have the power to transcend.

The Universe WILL Provide

Last Sunday, while on another one of my infamous hikes, I was doing a lot of thinking about basic needs - food, clothing, MONEY. I'm not so good with the money. I spend it a lot and make it only a little. And, so, for the first part of my walk, I was berating myself for being 31 and living hand-to-mouth, no savings.

And then, about halfway through my hike, I started thinking about all the times I just gave up and let the Universe take care of me. Those days when I had no money and somehow, someway, found a way to make ends meet. And I decided that, while I did need to set a plan to get back on track, somehow, this month it would all come together and I'd be OK. Even though I only had $72.04 in the bank and it was four days 'till payday.

Lo and behold, Monday arrives and 1) I got my tax return in the mail 2) I got some random check as part of a class action lawsuit against Glaxo Smith Kline I had no idea was even going on, much less involving me 3) got my P.A.L.S. coupon from Pets Plus for one free bag of (expensive) cat food.

So, tax return, right to savings. Check, cashed for lunch today and tomorrow (hey, $12.06 only goes so far...). Coupon, to be spent this evening to feed yoga cats. And payday is tomorrow at midnight and raises kick in end of month, retroactive to the beginning of the year.

All I can say is one big, giant, thunderous, capital letters THANK YOU.

You Can't Come to My Birthday Party

Do you remember how much it hurt when you were a kid and you found out someone was having a birthday party and you weren't invited?

(Or maybe you don't - maybe you were super popular. But I wasn't, and I do.)

It doesn't hurt any less as an adult.

Last night I was at a writing group meeting. Now, I've only just joined and there's three others who've been meeting a long time. They're fairly tight, but that's understandable and fine by me.

But then someone mentioned that one of the guys had a get together the night before and invited the other two. "Oh, sorry. If I'd known you were around I would have invited you." Which he said out of politeness but certainly not with sincerity.

The thing is, I don't know that if I knew this guy under any other circumstances, I would want to be his friend. He's very self-righteous and self-important. He definitely likes to hear himself talk and thinks he's an expert on all fronts. He's sort of like BBB, but without the wit or the (albeit well-hidden) tenderness.

But, there you have it. He had a party and I wasn't invited. And there I was, feeling low, and no new Barbie outfit to show for it.

Growing up sucks sometimes.